Although I respect and look up to my dance teacher, she sends me mixed signals. One day she will tell me that I have "ripples" underneath my butt, and the next she will say that I am losing too much weight. I have never been insecure about my body, but her remarks have made me wonder about myself. I don't know what she wants from me. She herself is a bigger woman and says that she doesn't stress weight, but every time I go there for dance class she says something about mine or someone else's. Right now I am 5'8" and 125 pounds. Is it possible that I am fluctuating weight that much every day or is my dance teacher just seeing things?
—Confused, 17, Michigan
Of course you're confused, and upset. Who wouldn't be? Someone you look up to, respect and admire is consistently making inappropriate and demeaning comments about your size, either that you're too big (ripples? What is she talking about?) or too thin. It is not cool of your teacher to be talking to you, or your classmates, like that. Clearly this is her problem and not yours. First of all, your size is no one's business. The only reason she would care is if she has weight issues of her own. And besides, it is not possible to wildly fluctuate that much from day to day, so she is seeing you through her own warped lens, not reality. Your teacher has some body image issues of her own, which are probably not helped by her being in a profession that does focus quite a bit on weight, but hey, that's her problem, not yours. The bummer here, though, is she is making you feel badly about your own body, which is awful! Here you are, trying to do something you love and you're getting grief from her. Who knows why, but it's lame.
You should speak to her privately and let her know that you're not comfortable with her remarks, and that she needs to stop commenting on your size. Remind her that it's not her place to talk about your body like that. If she doesn't lay off, even if she makes one more comment, you should talk to your parents and discuss your options. Perhaps they can speak with your teacher and the school head so that your teacher can understand you mean business. Otherwise, you may want to shop around for a new dance studio, because it's absolutely not okay for her to be making you, or any of your friends, feel self-conscious about your bod. Good luck, and keep on dancing!
—Andrea Pyros
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