We are so sorry to hear that you were the victim of this terrible crime. Rape, and its aftermath, is incredibly hard to deal with, and we hope you're doing okay. We don't understand why anyone would try to insist you're not a virgin. Who are these people? It doesn't sound like they are being very supportive. Regardless of who they are, they need to back off! As you know only too well, rape is not a sexual act, it is a violent crime. No one should make you feel badly about this horrible experience that was forced upon you. Besides, how is it any of their business? Losing your virginity is more than a physical act. It is an emotional and spiritual one as well. And while technically a virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse, we don't think the idea of virginity should be based on penetration alone. If, as someone who has not chosen to have sex yet, you believe you're a virgin, that makes total sense to us.

We think people get too hung up on putting a label on things that are incredibly complex. Virginity is a complicated concept. For instance, if you have given or received oral sex but not had intercourse, you are sexually active but still considered a virgin. But if two women are in love and intimate with each other, are they still virgins? Labeling is stupid and really serves no good purpose.

We hope you can feel good knowing that, but because rape can leave emotional scars for years to come, it might be helpful for you to talk to someone about what happened, whether it be a trusted adult or school guidance counselor. You may even want to look into joining a support group with other survivors. One amazing resource is the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), which has a Web site at www.rainn.org and 24-hour hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE, to help girls and women who have been victims of these types of crimes. Good luck, and we hope you find someone who cares to listen, not label.

Andrea Pyros