Wednesday August 20, 2008 ym.com > private life > heart to heart > am I being stalked?
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Do you consider some of the people you meet and talk to only online to be your friends?
Sure! If we spend a lot of time talking, what does it matter if we've met in person or not?
No. I might enjoy having conversations with people online, but I don't consider someone my friend unless I've spent time with them in person.
How Responsible Are You?
Can you be trusted with the important things, or do your friends refuse to even dare lend you a lip-gloss?
Am I being stalked?
I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, and the next day, one of my guy friends asked me to Homecoming. At the dance, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said no because I only like him as a friend. The problem is that now he's practically stalking me. He waits for me after class and follows me everywhere I go. Whenever I talk to another boy, he immediately comes and stands really close to me, like he's trying to protect me. I've tried to avoid him, but it seems like he's always around. What can I do to make him stop?

— Bonnie, 14, San Diego

There is a line between being persistent and being a pest, and it sounds like this guy has completely crossed it. He clearly isn't getting the hint that you're not into seeing him every time you turn around — he probably thinks that if he's constantly by your side, you'll eventually realize how wonderful he is. He needs to know that's not the case. The next time he sidles up to you while you're talking to another guy, take him aside and tell him exactly how you feel. You can be blunt ("You're making me uncomfortable!") without being mean ("You're totally freaking me out!"). Chances are, he's just trying way too hard and doesn't realize he's skeeving you out. Once you tell him that his attempts to win you over are having the opposite effect, he'll probably stop.

However, if he's still lurking around your locker after you've told him how you feel, you may have to get other people involved. Not to scare you, but any time a guy goes from stalker-ish to stalker, you have to be concerned. Since you have mutual friends, you can't just avoid him forever, and you shouldn't have to. Ask someone you trust, like your school counselor, to speak with him about why he needs to back off. And if this guy seems even slightly scary, or if he threatens you in any way, trust your instincts and go straight to a teacher, your principal or your parents, and let them know what's up. They can help you make sure he doesn't bother you anymore.



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