You are brave to want to visit someone in the hospital who is suffering both physically and psychologically. Your boyfriend is probably thinking you might reject him now that he is an amputee, that you could find him less attractive, be bored by his inability to participate in some activities and may even be embarrassed to be seen with him. He is feeling all these things himself and will assume others feel the same way. The only thing to do is reassure him of your affection and be supportive. You need to do this with your actions, not just your words. Ask him and his family what you can do to help. Prepare him and yourself for how to help him get around. Will he be in a wheelchair, braces, crutches? Will he need help getting around school? How much can he do now and what is he working on in physical therapy to be able to do on his own. Try to be matter-of-fact and comfortable. This will send the message that you have accepted what has happened as a reality and you still accept him.

At the same time, you need to be honest with him about what you are not comfortable with. Let him know it will take some getting used to, but you would like the opportunity to try to learn with him. You are going to need your own support through this as well. Turn to your parents and friends to express your fears and doubts. You might feel discomfort, embarrassment, or even find him less attractive at times. You might get frustrated and fed up with the extra effort his mobility takes. This is normal. Please don't feel guilty for having these thoughts. Just because you think these things does not mean you want to end your relationship, it means you are human and all humans feel ambivalence.

Be prepared. Your boyfriend is coping with some very difficult issues right now. He has to readjust his image of himself, his plans for his future, and many other things. He may retreat into himself or turn more toward his family at this time. He may not feel safe sharing a lot with you or other friends now. Be understanding of this and give him some time. Let him and his parents know that you will be there when he is ready to interact again. If he does not want to talk on the phone much, ask him if it would be okay to send notes. Most importantly, do not try to pretend that everything will be the same as it was before; it never will be for your boyfriend. That's not to say he won't have a normal, happy, successful life, but he will never have another leg. Don't sugarcoat things, he will know this is false. Be realistic and this will help him accept it, and it will help him know you accept him as well.

— Kate Forest, MSW