I'm 17 years old. When I was in the sixth grade, I made a promise to myself not to have sex until I was married. I do not push my values on anyone, and whenever I'm asked if I'm a virgin, I tell people it is none of their business.
A couple of months ago, my boyfriend of nine months and I publicly broke up after he asked me to go to a motel on prom night and I said no. Everyone found out that I had never had sex with him. A lot of the guys that I work with call me "prude" and "tease" and other names. This really hurts me. Can you tell me how to be respected for my decision to wait? Is the only way to be "cool" to compromise my morals?
Susan, 17, Lexington, SC
You have decided that you want to remain a virgin until you get married, which is as you point out, totally your business and no one else's. So how upsetting for you to have everyone involved in what should have been a private matter between you and your (now ex) boyfriend. It does hurt to be called names, we agree, and what's totally infuriating is that girls get called names regardless! Don't want to have sex? You're a prude/tease/goody-goody. Had sex? Suddenly you're a slut/whore/hussy. Pretty lame, huh? Why don't guys have this double standard?
But as for your question as to whether you need to do something you don't want to just to have people stop hassling you, absolutely not! You need to do what is right for you and ignore everyone else. Besides, do you really want to be friends with people who will only like you and be nice to you once you lose your virginity? That's total crap. Those don't sound like the kinds of people you would want to spend time with anyway. So choose your own path, and keep in mind that cool quote from Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
P.S. If your boyfriend is the sort of guy who will break up with someone he cares about just because he wants to have sex and his girlfriend doesn't, well, you're better off without him! What a jerk!
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