I like older guys! The one I am into now is 19, and he's awesome. We really like each other, but I am 16 and he has a problem with that. Even though the law just states that it is illegal to have sex with a minor (not just hang out with them), he keeps making excuses! Why is he being weird about the age thing, and why do I seem to like guys between 17 and 20 more than those my own age?
Crystal, 16, Puyallup, WA
Let's answer your questions one at a time. First, why do you seem to go for guys who are older than you?
It's not unusual that you, like many girls, find yourself into older guys. After all, many of these guys are more together than those who are younger. They may be off at college, instead of living with the 'rents, or have their own jobs and apartments. Or perhaps you like that they don't spend all their time playing video games and holding burping contests with their friends (how crazy of you!). In other words, older guys seem more mature, and that can be very attractive.
While there is nothing wrong or weird about your finding those traits appealing, there is the whole legal thing to consider. Laws vary from state to state, but basically, statutory rape laws usually apply to someone over the age of consent having sex with someone who is under the age of consent, even if both parties are willing participants. It sounds like your 19-year-old friend doesn't want to get involved in a situation that could lead to his breaking the law down the road, even if right now you just want to hang out, not hook up. Also, sometimes it can be awkward dating someone older because they might not be interested in doing stuff that is more appropriate to someone younger. My best friend from college starting seeing an older guy when she was a freshman, and he was totally dismissive of her going to parties or doing all the other stuff the rest of us were doing. They were together for a while, but when they broke up, she really felt she'd missed out on a big part of her college experience.
Though it can certainly seem challenging, it is possible to find someone to date who is closer to your age. After all, there are plenty of older guys who are way immature (memo to 32-year-old Jude Law: If you're old enough to get engaged, you're old enough to know better than to cheat on your fianceacute; with the nanny of your children from your first marriage, you dope!) and plenty of younger guys who are cool, responsible, normal dudes. Think about what it is that you find so attractive about some of the older guys you meet and try to seek out those traits in someone your own age.
—Andrea Pyros
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