I went out with a guy [we'll call him Jake] for about a month and a half, but we didn't really have much in common. It was a fling and we both knew it from the beginning. But toward the end, I met his older brother [we'll call him Nate]. We flirted a little, and we talked like I've never been able to talk to anyone before. After Jake and I broke up, Nate wanted to pursue a relationship with me and I was totally up for it — except for the fact that I didn't want to come between Jake and Nate. In the end, we got together and it's been pure heaven!
I've never connected with anyone the way I connect with Nate. But now I'm worried about Nate and Jake's relationship. I haven't heard anything from Nate, and I really trust that he would tell me if something was wrong. But I can't help but wonder. They'll be brothers forever, and I'm not necessarily a permanent fixture in Nate's life, but I don't want to give up what I've found. I don't know what to do.
—Stephanie, 17, Utah
It's awkward when you fall for someone who's not convenient — unfortunately, we can't tell our hearts what to feel, and now you're in a bit of a sticky situation. The good news: You didn't sneak behind Jake's back and cheat on him with his brother, and you clearly thought this through before you proceeded with Nate, which shows that you're not some callous jerk. The bad news: If there's weirdness between the guys, well, the deed is done, and it's too late for you to go back now. Even if you and Nate split up tomorrow, Jake would still know that his brother dated his ex. If you and Nate broke up, and your best friend went out with him, even just for a week or two, you'd be bummed, right? Even if they broke up. That could be how Jake feels.
So, what to do, considering that you feel badly and want to make sure Nate and his brother are okay? First of all, talk to your boyfriend. You said you're sure he'd tell you if things were awkward at home, but have you asked him directly? Let Nate know that you feel concerned, and that you hope things are okay between them. Hopefully Nate sat down with his brother before things progressed with you, and Jake gave him his okay. If Nate and Jake haven't talked about it, you may want to suggest Nate do that. But ultimately, it's their relationship and it's between them. Other than being supportive and helping Nate if things are weird, there's not much you can do.
Things between you and Jake may remain chilly for a while. Even though both of you knew what you had wasn't serious, he may still feel hurt, or have a bit of a bruised ego. Be friendly but not pushy when you see him, and maybe things will cool down with time.
—Andrea Pyros
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