My boyfriend won't hold my hand between classes or hug me. He says there's not enough time to hold hands and there are too many people around for him to hug me. We've been going out for three weeks. What should I do?
— Anonymous
Three weeks in your life is a very different amount of time than three weeks in your boyfriend's life. How can that be? Because everyone has different timetables and scripts in their heads. Your script probably holds that people should be openly affectionate and comfortable in declaring their love for each other after three weeks. This may not be your boyfriend's script. I have no idea what his timetable is, but you can find out. Give him some time. Just because he isn't affectionate with you at school doesn't mean he does not like you. He is going out with you, after all, and maybe even expresses his affection for you privately. He just doesn't sound like he's ready to show the world.
He may never be ready to be as openly affectionate as you are. Some people are never comfortable with public displays of affection (PDA, as we like to say), even if they're really into the person they're dating. Try to respect your boyfriend's feelings about it and see if there is some middle ground you could reach. Tell him you like to show that you're boyfriend-girlfriend to the world and ask him where he feels comfortable doing this. Maybe he is more comfortable holding hands at the mall or walking home after school. As long as he is able to show that he likes you respectfully and in some places, and he's not ignoring you or being rude to you in school or in front of other people, then give him a break. Maybe his shyness is even one of the things that you liked about him in the first place!
— Kate Forest, MSW
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